


A Piece of You

by saeyoungs-sunflower (sunnyclarke)



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mutual Pining, Original Character Death(s), Slow Burn, Substance Abuse, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26067985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyclarke/pseuds/saeyoungs-sunflower
Summary: After the death of his sister, Zen is entrusted with raising her daughter. Six years later and MC has settled into RFA, but she just wants to be back on the roof with the love of her life like she was two years before. But dealing with teenage years, dragged out engagements and a lot of unsaid feelings, you start to lose a piece of you. Or, perhaps, find a piece you had that had been missing the whole time.
Relationships: Zen | Ryu Hyun/Main Character, Zen | Ryu Hyun/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue

No, this couldn’t be happening. Not her. Not  _ her _ .

“Hyun, please…listen to me.”

He wouldn’t, he  _ couldn’t _ . Listening meant it was all too real. If he didn’t listen, maybe it wouldn’t happen. If he blocked it out, gave in to the piercing peal in his ear, then perhaps he would never have to face the stinging reality that was right before him. He could live his life believing that everything was always as it had been, and it would stay that way. That he still had his sister, and her daughter still had her mother.

“Hyun…please.”

“Don’t go.”

“Hyun…”

“Please! Please, just…this is just like a cold to you, right? You’re a Ryu! No illness can bring us down! You’ll just recover like last time and we can go back to how things were.”

“I’m sorry.”

He clung onto her tighter, his face streaming with the tears that started to soak the woman’s hospital gown. She was the only blood-relative that Zen called family, the only one he loved. She would shield him against the cruelness that their mother shot his way, and took the hit for him more times than he could count. She would hold him as he cried through the night, and now he was holding her as he cried with her one last time, “What about Gi, huh? She’s going to need her mother!”

“Please…take care of her for me.”

“What? Mi Sun I-I can’t I’m not qualified for that—“

“You love that child as if she was your own. I’ve witnessed it myself, the way you hold her like she’s made of china, how she can’t stop herself from giggling when you all you do is smile at her. There is nobody on earth more qualified than you. I trust you.”

He knew at least the first part was true. Gi had only been in this world for two months but she  _ was _ the world to Hyun, and the 20 year old couldn’t stand to lose a sister and a child in one night, “I’d do anything for her.”

The now pale woman chuckled warmly, despite the chill that started to crawl through her bloodstream, “I love you, Hyun.”

“Don’t say that,” he snapped.

“Why?”

He hesitated, his eyes fixed on hers as if he was desperately grasping on to any sign of life behind them, “Because it sounds like a goodbye.”

“It’s not goodbye, sweetheart. You’ll see me again. It may take a while, but you will. And I’ll keep an eye on you, just like I always have. You’re not losing me, you just have to look for me in the right places,” she wheezed, acknowledging that their time was running out, “Thank you, Hyun.”

“No.”

“I love you.”

“NO!”

He wailed and clutched her close to his chest, rocking her back and forth as he weeped into her shoulder. A sob racked his body as the last remnants of hope starting to leak through the cracks of his splitting heart. Releasing her slightly to cradle her more gently, he filled his lungs and pressed his cheek against hers. “I love you too,” he finally whispered into her ear, his voice coarse from his screams.

Then, at last, she fell heavy in his arms, a faint prolonged ringing in the background. Laying her tenderly back onto the bed, he placed a shaky kiss on her temple, his whole body trembling as tears dripped from the tip of his nose. He stepped back, giving in to that which he couldn’t escape, “Goodbye, Mi Sun. Thank you…for everything.”

The nurses began covering the still form and offering their condolences to the broken man in front of them. Hyun dismissed their efforts, turning away and lifting the resting baby out of her cot. He tucked her into his embrace as he slid down the wall to collapse onto the cold hospital floor, his legs no longer strong enough to hold him up. The girl had been sleeping despite the screaming and crying from only moments before, but as her eyes cracked open, a small giggle bubbled out of her mouth as she tried to grab her uncle’s nose. He chuckled with her, his face still dripping and his vision blurry as the remaining pieces of his heart ran away with the tears, “Guess it’s just you and me now, huh squirt?”

Mustering enough strength to stand once again, he held Gi closer to him and dragged himself out of the room, walking away from his worst nightmare and praying for a better day dream.


	2. Chapter 2

It took a bit of getting used to. Four years ago, Zen’s life had consisted of stage door signings, going to clubs five nights of the week and more one night stands than he cared to count. He had lived the typical life of a young rising star, but that life had come to an abrupt stop when another little life waddled along. Which, Zen had noted, was for the better..

Although it hadn’t seemed that way in the beginning. Zen was infinitely grateful that little Gi was far too young to understand what had happened to her mother, but he was still cursed with that burden. Jaehee had to babysit her for the first week after Mi-Sun’s passing, since Zen had turned to his preferred method of coping: alcohol. Endless nights of drinking himself into oblivion and screaming at the wall were the only ways he knew how to numb the pain that cut through him like a blade. He smashed eight glasses and a window in that week.

After seeking professional help and after all the legal aspects of the adoption were sorted, Zen was ready to raise Gi as his own, and he was loving every minute of it.

“Gi, what is this!?”

Well,  _ almost _ every minute.

As it turns out, Gi had inherited her mother’s eyes, but had acquired Zen’s…artistry.

She stood proudly next to the kitchen wall, a sharpie in hand and ink scribbled on the white paint, as well as all over her skin. Zen was about to scold her, but it got lost in his throat when she beamed up at him. She was so pleased with what she had created, and where most adults saw a mess, she saw art. He couldn’t bear to crush her passion for creating, like so many others had done to him when he first became an actor. Scooping her up in his arms, his fingers danced over her chubby tummy, their house filling with laughter, “Next time let’s use paper, shall we?”

Gi’s big brown eyes stared fondly into Zen’s crimson ones and his heart ached. So much of Mi-Sun was held in her eyes, and whilst the ache was somewhat painful, he felt more in that moment than he ever had in his life of rising fame. He placed her back on the floor and crouched to her level, giving her a little boop on the nose, “Why don’t you run along to the bathroom and we’ll get you cleaned up, hm?”

Giggling her approval she stumbled into the next room. Zen couldn’t help but snap a quick picture of Gi’s masterpiece and post it into the RFA chat. It was funny, he couldn’t remember when the selfies stopped and the baby pictures had begun.

**_Jaehee:_ ** _ Oh my! Is that sharpie? You will certainly need to paint over that, no amount of scrubbing will clean that off. _

**_ZEN:_ ** _ I think I might leave it, the kitchen needed redecorating anyway haha;; _

**_Yoosung:_ ** _ So cute!!! When are you guys next coming by?? _

**_707:_ ** _ yes! Godfather Seven misses his goddaughter <33 _

**_Yoosung:_ ** _ Heyyy I wanted to be godfather!!! _

**_707:_ ** _ u snooze u lose hehehe _

Zen rolled his eyes good-naturedly and chuckled at his friends, though he felt a twinge of guilt within him. Discussing who was godfather only reminded him of how he could never provide a normal family for Gi by himself. Whilst a ‘normal’ family didn’t guarantee a happy one, growing up in his far from normal household gave Zen a determination to make his own different.

Despite the fact that he was technically Gi’s uncle, Zen was much more of a father in her eyes, though she still lacked a motherly figure. Jaehee was always up for babysitting and cared greatly for her when she did so, but she wasn’t around nearly enough for Gi to see her as a mother, and Zen didn’t view her in a way that meant they could become a pair.

Raising Gi made him notice the hole in his lonely heart, a hole that no amount of one night stands could fill. He had dreamed about finding his someone and settling down, raising Gi together and working as a team, as a  _ family _ . Unfortunately, his looks meant that Zen had never found someone who genuinely cared for or wanted to share this life with him, and therefore he had never properly fallen in love. And as much as he wanted to fall in love, he had no time for dating right now, so he had come to accept that maybe love just wasn’t made for him. He wasn’t particularly old, but he wasn’t getting any younger either. Maybe he had missed his chance, perhaps being a father would have to be enough.

However, as the two boys were occupied with their squabble, Zen noticed something strange in the chat…

_ MC? _


	3. Chapter 3

The dense scent of coffee intertwined with the fresh air that soared through the open windows of Jaehee’s car. The radio, though quiet, was babbling away to itself — not unnoticed, but not entirely present either. The two women sat in a weighty silence.

Jaehee sighed, “I’m sorry, MC, it hurts me to say this but I just don’t think it’s going to work out the way you want it to.”

To be honest, MC knew it was coming. She had been waiting for months for those words to be said to her by someone. By anyone. But it still stung.

To an outsider looking in, Jaehee’s words would have sounded cold, cruel even. But in MC’s eyes, her honesty was the most loving gesture she could ask from her best friend. MC wanted her honesty,  _ needed _ it in fact. It was going too far.

Once Jaehee had finally opened up to the idea of Zen and MC being in a relationship, their friendship skyrocketed. The two could finally bond, with all guards down. It was like they were giddy teenagers again, having sleepovers and talking about boys — or rather, talking about one boy in particular. They would discuss for hours about ‘the look he gave her during the meeting’ and how he ‘doesn’t just take any girl onto his roof’; that he was ‘obviously interested in her!’

However, more time slipped away and their evenings of gossiping turned into nights of consoling. It had been two years since Zen took MC onto his roof to watch the stars, and nothing had escalated from that. Jaehee would reassure her, tell her that Zen just needed time to raise Gi and work on his career, that they had grown apart after MC spent months helping Saeyoung get Saeran back on his feet. She would tell her they just needed to spend more time together like they used to, and things would pick up again.

But they didn’t, and it had been too long. Two years of nothing, and Jaehee couldn’t bear to see MC tearing herself apart anymore. She would constantly check her reflection before turning away with a gentle frown, she would type then retype messages before throwing her phone away from her. Her smile faded, her light dimmed. MC hid it well, but they noticed, all of them did. Of course they noticed, but only Jaehee knew the reason why. It was time to stop this and allow her to move on. She had to before she faded away completely, becoming nothing more than a shell of what she used to be; what she could have been.

After a long sigh, MC finally spoke up, “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

“He still cares deeply about you, MC, you haven’t lost him. I know he still loves you, even as much as he loves Gi, he just might not see you in the same way you see him. You love each other equally, just differently.”

“…A bit like Newton’s third law of motion?”

“Oh my God I  _ swear _ if Saeyoung doesn’t stop giving ‘free physics lessons’ in the messenger I’m going to kick him straight into orbit.”

The women laughed, just like they always ended up doing, no matter what life threw their way. Jaehee knew how to cheer MC up and how to make her laugh until her tears ran dry. Jaehee stopped the car in front of Zen’s house before turning to her friend and giving her hand a comforting squeeze, “I don’t think it’s as bad as you think. I think you just need to put yourself out there and I’m sure someone will come along and surprise you.”

MC looked back into her eyes, not finding an ounce of dishonesty in them. She knew deep down that Jaehee was probably right, she always was. Taking a deep breath, she squeezed Jaehee’s hand in return, “Okay, I’ll try.”

***

“Hey, Gi! Look who’s here!”

Gi had the biggest grin on her face as she charged towards the door and jumped into MC’s arms, almost knocking her over from the impact. MC scooped her up and spun her around, blowing raspberries into her tummy, making the young girl squeal and wriggle in her arms.

Gi was six now, and was four when MC met her after nearly being kidnapped in Rika’s apartment. From the moment Gi saw her, she instantly took a liking for her, constantly asking Zen when “pretty MC” would next visit — which made MC an absolute blushing mess when Zen revealed this in the chatroom.

Gi had also managed to worm her way into MC’s heart and made herself at home there. MC loved that child like she was family, which she was in all fairness. The RFA was her family, and therefore anyone they loved, she loved too. She was always up to babysit her or take her on girly days out whenever she asked.

Today was a little different though.

“How’s the little madam today then? You excited for your day out with Jaehee?” MC asked, still trying to hold on to the wriggling child.

“Yay! Where are we all going?”

“Well, I’m going to watch your dad’s rehearsal whilst Jaehee takes you out for ice cream and a movie, is that okay?”

Gi watched the two women carefully, before nodding confidently, “Okay, but you have to come next time!”

MC laughed, “Fine,  _ diva _ .”

“I’m not a diva! Dad’s the only diva in this house.”

“HEY!”

The three girls burst into laughter, and MC watched Zen as he feigned offence, but he was unable to control the sides of his mouth as they curled upwards. His eyes locked with MC’s, and she felt her heart stop for a split second.  _ When was that going to stop happening? _ He gave her a warm smile, which she happily returned before placing Gi back on the floor, ruffling her hair.

Gi then darted to Jaehee and embraced her leg, waiting to be picked up. Jaehee chuckled before granting her request, earning a satisfied chuckle from the excitable young girl. Both Zen and MC felt a pang of affection as they waved the two goodbye, Gi’s babbling fading away the she walked hand-in-hand with Jaehee on their way into town.

MC turned to Zen who was rummaging around for his keys. She chortled at him, “How is everything? Gi doing okay at school?”

“Yeah, she’s doing pretty well actually,” Zen replied, still searching for his keys, “She’s very popular, according to her teachers. Stirring up trouble though.”

“In what way?”

He sighed, “Well there’s a group of them, apparently, and they like to wreak havoc for the teacher’s and get up to all kinds of mischief. Hiding the teacher’s supplies, little things like that. They say she’s an angel when they talk to her one-on-one, but she likes to follow this group around, copying what they’re doing. They’re in the older group I think,” Zen said as he sifted through the draws, and MC could see a crease form between his eyebrows. He was worried about her.

“I’m sure she’s just enjoying herself. She’ll grow out of it, I’m sure. She’s a bright kid.”

“I know, I should have more faith in her,” now he’s patting his jean pockets, “She’s getting good grades for her work anyway. You know, when she doesn’t lose her exercise books or pencil case or whatever.”

MC chuckled, grabbing his keys from the trinket box on the windowsill, “I wonder where she gets that from,” she said, chucking the keys to Zen.

He caught them with ease, grinning at MC, “Thanks. Ready to go?”

MC smiled back, though it didn’t feel as bright, “Ready.”

She turned to the door, but felt a hand on her bicep, turning her back to him. He gave her arm a gentle squeeze and rubbed it with his thumb, “Hey, you okay? You don’t seem yourself today. Did something happen?”

MC plastered a smile on her face, beaming up at him, “Of course I’m okay! I’m just excited, that’s all.”

Zen returned the smile, although he wasn’t convinced by her answer. She slapped his arm playfully, “Come on, you. You can’t be late for your rehearsal,” she said, turning on her heal and walking out of the house.

He watched after her, wishing she would open up to him more. Just like he did with her.

Just like they used to.

***

The two walked to the theatre in a comfortable silence, the only sound heard was the leaves crunching beneath their feet and the wind rustling through the trees over them. MC closed her eyes briefly as she let the breeze caress her skin and her hair, a sense of peace washing over her.

“Thank you for coming to my rehearsal,” Zen said unexpectedly, catching MC a little off guard.

“You don’t have to thank me, I wanted to come! It feels like ages since I’ve seen you perform,” she exclaimed cheerfully, “Although, I admit the offer did come a bit out of the blue. What made you want to invite me now?”

“Well,” Zen started, scratching the back of his head, “you’ve always been so supportive of my career, more than anyone else I think…and I’m really proud of this show. I guess I wanted you to see that your belief in me wasn’t in vain, and all your support hadn’t gone to waste,” he stated, his eyes locked on the path in front of him.

MC stopped, grabbing his sleeve so he would stop and turn to her, “You don’t have to prove anything, especially not to me, you know that. As long as you’re happy, then it would have never been a waste, okay?”

Zen smiled fondly at her and let out a little chuckle, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into his side, “And that’s why I love you.”

And with that, MC felt like a bullet had shot through her chest. Because she knew what ‘I love you’ meant when it came to Zen, and it didn’t mean what she longed for it to.

Because yes, she loved him too. Painfully, hopelessly, quietly.

Equally, but differently.

***

When they entered the theatre, MC’s eyes widened as she took in the sight before her. The theatre was really very beautiful. It was old-fashioned, but had clearly been done up recently. She could tell by the even gold paint, the vivid red seating and the perfectly polished stage where the set that she had painted stood proudly.

Art and painting had always been a huge passion of MC’s, and she would often sketch Zen when he was focussed on playing with Gi when she would visit. She accidentally left a sketchbook open at his house once, and he was dumbfounded by her skill and artistry. Unfortunately, MC was never able to make a career out of her art, and she was also way too modest to sell her artwork, so Zen made it his mission to give her as many opportunities to express her art and passion as he could, just like she helped him. The company obviously paid her for her work, but Zen couldn’t help but feel that her art deserved a place in a gallery rather than a tucked away theatre. He told her numerous times to ask V for help, but she always refused. He wondered why.

Zen chuckled at her loss for words, “It’s amazing, right? Come on, I want to introduce you to the cast and director!”

“Oh, they must be busy, I don’t want to interrupt-“

“Don’t be silly! They are so excited to meet you!”

MC frowned, confused, “Wait, really?”

“Of course! Without you I might not even still be in this company, and besides, look at your beautiful set! You’re a part of this show too, MC. Of course they’d love to meet you.”

This theatre company was actually founded by Zen and the director, and it was well known for the way it defied typical theatre conventions. They didn’t do a show every night of the week with a matinee on a Wednesday and Saturday, instead they did a matinee every weekday and an evening show on Saturday. Zen said that it was partly so that he could take care of Gi in the evenings and work whilst she was at school, but also because it meant that schools could watch their shows during school hours, as an educational trip. He was always passionate about allowing kids to fall in love with theatre like he did. And to hopefully save some like it saved him.

Giving Zen a shy smile, MC finally let him lead her backstage. The cast were genuinely very lovely, praising and thanking her for the set and for being by Zen’s side over the last two years, making MC blush fiercely. Even the director said that he had heard so much about her and was glad they finally met. Did Zen really talk about her this much? She tried not to think about it too much.

Just when she thought they had spoken to everyone, Zen took her to his dressing room that he shared with the other male lead. His name was Chul, Zen told her, and he had given her a little  _ talk _ before going in.

MC laughed, “What do you mean?”

“Listen, I love Chul to bits, but he is a man after all. You can imagine what actors are like, and male leads are even worse.”

“Aren’t you also a male lead?”

“Yes, but I also have sharpie on my kitchen wall and stuffed animals scattered across my living room. Did I also mention that I live with a six year old?”

“Fair play. But seriously, Zen, it’s fine. So what if he’s a bit of a flirt?”

“He can just get carried away sometimes, and I don’t want him to get any ideas. All men-“

“-are wolves. And I’m a grown woman, Zen. You don’t have to protect me like that, I can handle it,” MC chuckled.

“I know babe, just…if he bothers you you have to let me know, okay?”

“Fine,  _ dad _ .”

Zen made a face at that and MC laughed even more. She knew how to push his buttons. But seriously, she wasn’t a teenager, she could keep her cool in front of a man. Zen knocked on the door briefly and they both entered.

“Hey, Chul, I’d like you to meet my friend, MC.”

Oh, good  _ Lord _ . She definitely should have prepared herself more for this. Sitting at his dressing table was Chul. Six foot tall, brunette, buff as hell Chul, getting his makeup done for the dress rehearsal. Did I not mention that he was also shirtless? Whilst a lot of women would be drooling at this point - understandably so - MC just felt embarrassed.

Catching his attention, Chul looked over at MC and gave her a bright smile, making her heart race and her face burn. He chuckled, standing up and heading towards the door.

“Ah, the famous MC! It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Chul,” he offered his hand for her to shake, which she did. His grip was firm, yet soft at the same time as he stared directly into her eyes. It was intense, to say the least, and MC mentally scolded herself for how red her face must have been.

“It’s lovely to meet you too, Chul,” she replied, surprised at how smoothly the words came out of her mouth despite how flustered she was.

He kept his grip on her hand for a moment longer than necessary, making Zen strangely impatient, “Okay, great, well I have to show MC around the rest of the theatre so we’ll catch you later.”

“Of course, I need to finish getting ready anyway. I’ll catch you later, MC,” he said with a wink, returning back to his seat. MC could feel Zen’s blood boiling next to her, so she ushered him out of the room swiftly.

“He seems nice.”

“Hm.”

MC rolled her eyes at him and gave him a playful nudge, giving him the silent reassurance that he needed. Both of them continued on the tour, but inevitably Zen was called to the stage for the rehearsal to begin, leaving MC on her own.

“You can sit anywhere, babe. There’s drinks and snacks on the table over there, so help yourself. Let me know if you need anything else, okay?”

Her smile grew at his concern. He really was very sweet, “Thank you, Zen, but I’ll be absolutely fine, don’t worry. Enjoy your rehearsal, okay? I can’t wait to see you get up there!” she beamed, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze before he ran off to join the rest of the cast.

She watched him as he went, a gentle thumping in her chest and a numbness in her spirit.

***

The first couple of hours of rehearsal were truly fascinating. Despite what some may assume, whilst Zen was incredibly good-looking, his acting skills were definitely his biggest strength (apart from his parenthood, of course). MC had no doubt that he would have been successful regardless of his looks, and it frustrated her to no end that he was primarily praised for his face and body rather than his talent and hard-work. The way he could show so much emotion and character and make her feel so much through just one look was, quite honestly, extraordinary. For a moment, she forgot he was her best friend at all; she was completely absorbed in his character.

The scene they were currently rehearsing was one where Zen’s character confesses his love to the female-lead’s character — a woman stuck in an arranged marriage who longed for freedom. The scene ended in a passionate kiss, bringing MC back to reality. It sent an ache through her chest as she watched Zen fall in love with someone else.  _ For goodness sake, MC, he was acting. He wasn’t actually in love with her. And even if he was, what would it matter? He wasn’t hers, and she wasn’t his. He was free to kiss whomever he pleased. _

The director called for a short break so he could discuss the scene with Zen and the female-lead, and MC took this opportunity to get a coffee and to focus her mind on something other than Zen kissing another woman.  _ Ugh, stop being so pathetic. She had no right to be jealous. She had no right to regret what never existed. _

She made her coffee and searched for the sugar, deciding that a little sweetness in her coffee might lift her spirits a little. However, even after scanning the table she couldn’t seem to find-

“Looking for this?”

MC turned her head to find Chul standing there, sugar in one hand and his own coffee in the other. She took the sugar, offering him a kind smile, “Ah, yes, thank you.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Chul watching her face closely. He frowned a little, an eyebrow raised, “Rough day?”

She chuckled, she tried her best to hide it but clearly she wasn’t as good of an actor as Zen, “Nah, it’s just tiring watching other people run around and dance all day,” she joked. He laughed at that.

“What about you?”

“Well, my wife is currently over there making out with the gardener’s son so, yeah, I guess you could say it’s been a rough day,” he also joked.

Ah yes, he must have been playing the female-lead’s husband. MC looked over at the stage where the other two leads were making out  _ again _ , sending a shiver down her back. Trying to conceal it, she laughed, “Arranged marriages, huh?”

“Tell me about it.”

They both chuckled before a silence fell over them as they drank their coffee, but MC couldn’t help the occasional glance at the stage. Chul turned so he was face-to-face with her, shoving one hand into his pocket, “You’re the one who painted the set, right?”

“I am indeed.”

“It’s really beautiful, you have an incredible gift,” MC could feel her face turning red again, so she turned away slightly.

“Ah, thank you, but I really don’t. I just…have a lot of practise I suppose.”

“You also have a lot of modesty,” he stated, nudging her playfully with his elbow, “we’re not used to that in this industry.”

She let out a small chuckle before sipping on her coffee again, trying to hide her smile behind the cup. Zen would be so mad if he saw them both right now.

But really, he had no reason to be mad. MC and Chul talked casually for around half an hour and it was harmless, enjoyable even. She discovered that they both actually had a lot in common. They both enjoyed painting and drawing, they had a lot of the same favourite bands, and they even went to the same high school.

“No, no way. I refuse to believe it. You were NOT the kid playing Oliver who fell off the stage during ‘Where is love?’”

“I absolutely am, and don’t forget how I brought the whole set down with me.”

“I was so pissed off at you! I spent hours making that set!”

“Hey! I was seriously injured! I couldn’t walk for a week after that, I’ll have you know!”

“Once a drama queen, always a drama queen.”

MC actually enjoyed laughing and joking with Chul, it felt natural somehow. She couldn’t help but feel that Zen was wrong to tell her to be so cautious around him. He was sweet, and didn’t say anything suggestive or try to flirt with her  _ once _ . She found it easy to talk with him, and she was even disappointed when he had to head back to the stage.

“Well, I really enjoyed our chat, MC. If I don’t catch you before you leave then I hope you get home safe. I’ll see you around,” he said leaning in for a hug which she happily returned. It was, she noted, a friendly hug. No agenda, no sneaky touches or grabs, just…comfortable.

He ran back to the stage and her eyes couldn’t help but follow him. She felt a warmth inside her, mixed with a fondness and excitement after their conversation together. She hoped they could keep in contact somehow, maybe she’d ask Zen for his contact information later.

MC reached into her pocket for her phone to check the time, but she found a folded piece of paper in there too. She took it out, reading it’s contents:

_ I didn’t want you to feel pressured into giving me your number if I asked, so here’s mine. You’re more than welcome to ignore this if you’re uncomfortable, but I couldn’t let you get away without trying ;) If you want to contact me, I would love to talk more, if not, then no hard feelings. Take care, MC. C x _

She tried to control herself, but it was no use. The corners of her mouth curled up as she read the note, and she bit her lip like she was a teenager with a crush.  _ Sneaky bastard _ . She felt flattered though, and she noticed her heart thumping a little harder as she placed the note back in her pocket and took another sip of her coffee.

Sweet indeed.

***

“You were incredible, Zen!”

Zen twirled around to find MC running towards him at full speed. He caught her easily as she jumped into his open arms, “Thanks, babe. You didn’t get too bored or anything?”

“Of course not! I was at the edge of my seat the entire time! Ah, aren’t I lucky to have such a talented best friend.”

_ Ouch _ .

Wait…why exactly did that hurt? He liked that he was her best friend, didn’t he? Of course he did.

He mentally shook the thought away as he continued to hug her, his hold on her tighter than before, “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I’m sorry for keeping you so long, I didn’t expect for us to run over time. Let’s get you back.”

Zen noticed MC had more of a spring in her step as they walked back to his house, and how she seemed more chatty than usual. Definitely a change from her mood that morning. Maybe she just really enjoyed the show; she always did have a soft spot for theatre.

When Zen opened his door, they both found Jaehee and Gi fast asleep on the couch. Gi was lying on Jaehee’s lap, surrounded by crayons, whilst Jaehee limply held an open children’s book. Zen looked at MC and they made eye contact, trying with all their might to suppress their laughter, both their hearts warming at the pure sight in front of them. MC moved carefully, gracefully towards the mess on the floor, “I’ll help you clean up and then we’ll wake them.”

He couldn’t help but smile as she started to pack toys away and collect crayons. She really was an angel.

About halfway through clearing, Zen noticed that she had stopped and was completely spaced out. He raised an eyebrow, “MC? Are you okay?”

“Hm? Oh, right, yeah I’m fine. Sorry, just zoned out a little.”

Again, he wasn’t convinced by her answer, especially since she had been acting strange all day. He knew her very well and had never seen her like this, so he continued to push, “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know. Thank you, Zen. I just…,” she paused, considering whether or not she should continue, “I just don’t want to make you mad…”

Okay, that hurt a little. He didn’t want or mean to make her worry about something like that, “MC, I don’t want you to be afraid to talk to me. I promise I won’t be mad, I just want to know what’s bothering you so I can help.”

MC watched him cautiously for a moment and then sighed, she would have to tell him eventually, “It’s about…Chul.”

Instantly Zen felt the hairs on the back of his neck shoot up, his hands already twitching to make a fist, but he held back. She gave him a pointed look, “Stop freaking out, silly. It’s not a big deal, he didn’t do anything wrong. He was actually very nice to me. He just gave me his number, that’s all. I don’t even think I’ll call him, I just wanted you to hear it from me before you found out on your own and decided to kick his ass,” she laughed.

Wow, was he really that overprotective? He always warned MC to be cautious and all that, but he hadn’t realised it got to the point where she felt the need to reassure him when a dude gave her their number. She was an adult, after all, and a very capable one. He made a mental note to go easy on her from then on, “Ah, I see.”

“But like I said, I probably won’t call him anyway so you don’t need to worry.”

He paused for a moment, watching MC closely as she continued to pile up books. This was the first time she’d talked openly with him about dating. In fact, he didn’t think she’d even been on a single date in the two years he’d known her. She did always seem reluctant, perhaps even anxious to put herself out there, especially when it came to men. But finally, there she was with the opportunity to start something with someone. Someone who, he had to admit, would take care of her. Someone who gave her a spring in her step after what felt like months of dragging herself from place to place, and he wanted that spring to stay. He considered his words carefully, “Do you like him?”

“What was that?”

“Do you like him? Would you like to call him?”

MC cleared her throat, “Uhm, well, I’ve only known him for a few hours and we only spoke for a short time but, he seemed sweet and I enjoyed talking to him I suppose…but, I dunno…”

Her sentence drifted off, and he looked away. She’d always been so supportive of him, it was his turn to return the favour, “Well, if you’d like to start something with him, I think you should go for it.”

Her eyes shot to his so quickly he couldn’t help but laugh. Yeah, he really needed to back off on the whole ‘all men are wolves’ thing, didn’t he? He gave her a soft smile, “I mean it. If it would make you happy, I’m all for it.”

She tucked a loose piece of hair behind her hair as she smiled, the action completely mesmerising Zen. She continued to clean up, breaking Zen out of his trance. It wasn’t long before everything was tidied away and the two sleeping beauties were awakened from their slumber. MC gave Gi a warm hug before she left, a sight that always made Zen’s heart ache more than he cared to admit. She moved to hug him, and he held on to her more tightly than usual, only then noticing the smell of her shampoo and how perfectly she fit into his embrace. MC pulled back, looking him dead in the eye, “About what I said earlier, you sure you’re okay with it?”

His eyes stared straight back into hers, desperate to keep her from looking away. Why did the thought of her turning away hurt him so much? “Absolutely. Go get ‘em.”

Little did he know, that that was all she needed. All she needed to give up. She was so hoping he fight a little harder, that it would be more difficult for him to accept it. She was praying he would change his mind, that he would want her to choose him instead. But Jaehee had told her to move on, and now he had told her that too. There was no way she could justify it anymore.

In the car, Jaehee placed a hand on MC’s arm, concern etched all over her face, “MC? Is everything okay?”

She’d been asked that a lot that day. Maybe she actually wasn’t.

MC smiled sadly at her, blinking away any tears that dared to fall.

“Yeah, I just need to make a call.”

***

Zen sighed as he made himself and Gi their meal, absent-mindedly stirring the pan. He felt odd, almost unwell after his conversation with MC, but he pinpoint why.

“Is MC getting married?” Gi said sweetly as she continued her colouring at the dining table.

Well where did  _ that _ come from.

“Um, no, I don’t think so. Unless I really haven’t been paying attention.”

“But she will though, won’t she? She’s gonna marry that man from your work.”

Zen laughed, “No, sweetie, they are just going to spend some time together. And…hang on, were you pretending to be asleep that whole time?”

Gi ignored the question and continued colouring, “Do they love each other? Like Prince and Princess?”

Zen started plating up the food,“No, not…not at the moment anyway,” he poured himself a glass of water, suddenly slightly bothered by this conversation.

Gi sighed, clearing away her things and setting the table, “That’s a shame. I was hoping you would marry her.”

He choked on the water, looking back at Gi who sat as sweet as a peach at the table.  _ Little terror _ .

“You, little miss, need to stop watching so many movies. Come on, eat your food, you squirt.”

They ate as Gi prattled on about her day with Jaehee. Zen tried to listen carefully, but his attention wandered as he considered Gi’s previous confession. Why did the thought of Gi wanting Zen to marry MC make him feel so uneasy? Anxious…excited?

Well whatever it was he was feeling, for the sake of Gi and MC, he would have to endure it by himself until it went away. Painfully, hopelessly, quietly…

_ Equally, identically. _


	4. Chapter 4

“Oh, two can play at that game, buddy!” MC cried as she threw a handful of flour at Saeyoung, who was currently rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach as tears of laughter rolled triumphantly down his cheeks.

“Honestly, MC! It was an-an accident!”

“Ah okay, so the egg just accidentally got crushed on my head, did it?” you questioned, finger tapping expectantly on the counter, raw egg white now trickling down your forehead.

“Well,” Saeyoung tried to speak, but kept being interrupted by his own laughter, “I guess…you could say you have..” he bit his lip, “ _ egg on your face _ .”

“You have five seconds to run,” MC said eerily calmly, but Saeyoung knew what was coming and did not miss a beat to bolt out of the kitchen. MC promptly followed, arms held out ready for the most fierce tickle war anyone had ever seen.

“So childish,” Saeran mumbled, perched on the counter-top as he scooped batter out of the mixing bowl before licking the spoon.

Saeyoung was finally caught by MC on the couch, shrieks of laughter filling the house as MC mercilessly tickled his stomach - his most ticklish spot, she’d learnt.

The three had grown remarkably close over the past year or so, after MC spent most of it living with the twins to help the two grow closer together, and to help Saeyoung when Saeran was at his lowest. She always knew how to calm Saeran down whilst also reassuring Saeyoung that he was not at fault. They had become more like triplets, and MC adored her little family. It wasn’t a family until she found them, and Saeyoung willed himself to believe that such an immense kindness was nurtured in a place of warmth and care.

But MC was not an open book. She was a brand-new novel, placed prettily on a coffee table to be admired and shown-off. In order to read the contents, the spine would have to be broken, edges curled, pages stained. To understand her would be to break her, which was a price MC wouldn’t dare bid.

Saeyoung thought that such a warm heart would never survive the biting ice of the world, and therefore wearing it on her sleeve would be suicide.

And that’s where he went wrong. That’s where he lost his chance. Because the world wasn’t as cold as either of them initially thought, you just had to look in the right places. Saeyoung had found his place now, and the taste of remorse lingered bitterly on his tongue when he realised he couldn’t be that place for her, and that she still didn’t know where to look.

But that thought was for another day. Outward gratitude spoke louder than inward regret.

“Okay! Okay okay OKAY MC I’m sorry! Please, have mercy!” Saeyoung pleaded.

“Hm, sorry’s not good enough.”

“What about if I promise you the love and affection from your favourite tomato - God Seven!”

“I get that anyway. And besides, Saeran’s my favourite tomato.”

Saeyoung let out a cry of disbelief, but Saeran snickered from the kitchen, “Idiot. Know your place.”

He sighed, giving in, “Fine, I’ll stop giving physics lessons in the chatroom for at  _ least _ two months.”

“Now that’s a deal I can get behind.”

The two shook on it, giggling like children as they headed back into the kitchen, clearing up the absolute bomb site they had made. MC idly glanced up at the clock before letting out a loud gasp, startling both twins. “Crap, I gotta get ready! And get this stupid egg out of my hair!”

“Ooooo,” Saeyoung sang, the corners of his mouth curling into a smug grin, “has someone got a date?” he joked.

MC stayed quiet, suddenly peaking the interest of the red-heads who promptly stopped what they were doing, “Wait, are you serious, MC?!” Saeyoung burst, voice cracking (adorably) at the end, “You actually have a date?”

“Did that punk finally ask you out?” Saeran said nonchalantly as he finished scraping out the remainder of the batter.

MC quirked an eyebrow, “What do you mean? What punk?”

Saeyoung shot his brother a pointed look before turning back to MC, “Ignore him, it’s the salmonella talking. So who are you going out with? Do we know him?”

MC tried to busy herself by checking the cupcakes in the oven, suddenly feeling a little coy about the subject, “I doubt you know him, he’s a friend of Zen’s. They’re co-stars in the play he’s in, actually.”

Saeran gave Saeyoung a perplexed look, which was completely missed by MC. Saeyoung brushed it off, though he knew he felt the same way as his brother, “Awwww MC! You’re all grown up!” MC groaned, but this only encouraged him, “So, what’s his name?”

“His name’s Chul. And don’t you dare go snooping around and doing background checks or whatever. I can figure him out for myself, thank you very much. Promise?”

Saeyoung whined like a toddler, but agreed anyway, “Well, you better get going or you’re gonna be late! Do you want a ride home?”

“It’s okay, I have to stop at the shop on the way,” MC said as she put on her coat and slung her bang over her shoulder. She was also incredibly grateful that she remembered to bring a hat today to…you know, hide the egg and whatnot. “You better save me a cupcake!”

“We’ll bring some round tomorrow,” he called after her, “and you can tell me all the juicy details!”

“Not a chance, Choi boy!” she called out from the doorway before slamming the door.

“She’s seriously going on a date with another guy? I could have sworn she was all loved up by Mr ‘God’s mistake’ or whatever.”

“She was,” Saeyoung sighed, cleaning up the remnants of their shenanigans, “but that was what, two years ago now? Zen hasn’t shown any indication of wanting to go further, she has the right to move on.”

“Sure,” Saeran started as he hopped off the counter to help his brother, “but isn’t she going to ask him about it? Just in case?”

“Something tells me she already has.”

Her visit was completely welcome, but unexpected. MC had called the night before asking if they wanted to hang out, when she’d usually just text an hour or so before to check that they weren’t busy and then just turn up. It was like she needed the reassurance, like she needed to have the certainty that she would see them. Like she needed it to get through the night.

It could have been written off as pre-date nerves, but Saeyoung suspected it went deeper than that. You learn a lot from living with someone for months, and Saeyoung knew that MC wasn’t acting like herself. The thought made him chew on his lip as he continued to wash up.

Saeran noticed this, lightly punching his brother in the arm, “Hey, she’s a tough girl. I’m sure she’s perfectly capable of handling boy-drama.”

Boy-drama? Probably. But Saeyoung knew very well, from his own experience, the look of someone in love, as well as the look of someone heartbroken. He saw the first look fade away from MC’s face, being replaced by the latter. It felt like a punch in the gut.

Once everything was cleaned up, Saeyoung opened up his laptop and started typing away.

He was going to have to break his promise. Just this once. For her sake. He couldn’t fail her for the second time.

He never wanted to see that look on her face again.

***

“So, how long have you known Zen?” Chul asked casually as the waitress brought the bill.

“About two years now, I think?” MC replied, taking a sip of her wine.

“Mm, and how much of that time have you been in love with him?”

MC almost choked on her drink, her eyes darting to his. Chul chuckled, handing her a napkin, “Sorry, I suppose that was a little forward.”

“Just a tad,” MC said, trying to recover, “What makes you think I was in love with him?”

“I saw the way you were looking at him on stage, and the look on your face when he was doing the kissing scene,” he took a sip of his own drink, “I just connected the dots.”

“Ah…I see.”

“Relax, I’m not going to say anything to him. I just want to know what he did to make you look so defeated, so upset,” he stared directly into her eyes, “Were you guys together at some point? Did he hurt you?”

“God no! No no, we were never together,” she felt a sharp pang in her chest, “and he never did anything to hurt me. He’s always been such a sweetheart…”

Chul nodded, listening intently, “So why did you never get together? You both clearly care for each other.”

Why did they never end up together? Ah, yeah, because Zen clearly didn’t want that. Maybe she wasn’t his type, maybe he saw her more as a sister, maybe she just wasn’t good enough for him.

Ouch.

“I…We just weren’t meant to be, I suppose.” And why were they talking about this anyway? Bit of a weird topic of conversation for a first date, MC thought, “Why did you want to know?”

He smiled, “I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t getting in the middle of anything. And I’ve been worried about that look since I last saw you. I wanted to know if you were alright, and if you weren’t, if it was something I could help you get over.”

MC smirked, “Oh? You think you can help me get over him?” she said jokingly.

“I do,” Chul said gently, “If you let me.”

The night was surprisingly pleasant. Not that MC doubted that Chul was a nice guy, she just thought that going on a date with someone considering her current situation would be too weird, but she actually had a lovely time. They had a fantastic meal at a beautiful restaurant, which despite MC’s protests, Chul paid for. She said she’d pay for the next one, which made Chul smile at the confirmation of a ‘next one’. He walked her home, slowly strolling under the warm glow of the streetlights they passed, hands occasionally brushing against each other, chatting as though they were old friends.

He kissed her softly on the cheek at her doorstep before wishing her a good night. As he turned away, his words from before rang in MC’s ear.

_ If you let me. _

He was already halfway down the block when MC caught up to him, grabbing his arm to spin him round to face her. After a moment's hesitation, she balanced on her tip-toes to land a chaste kiss on Chul’s lips, which he happily returned with the same gentleness as before.

MC had never been one to kiss on the first date. Hell, she had never been the one to date full-stop. But she saw an opportunity for adventure, for companionship…for love. She obviously didn’t love Chul, but she knew she could. She would no longer wish upon a shooting star, now she would shoot after it herself.

She broke away from the kiss first and slowly untangled her arms from around his neck, “Goodnight, Chul.”

He smiled softly at her, loosening his hold around her waist, “Goodnight, MC.”

As she walked back to her apartment, she swore she felt the ghost of Chul’s hand on the small of her back, his lips on her own. She suddenly missed his voice, his scent, his touch. She suddenly missed him. Or did she miss being wanted by him?

MC took out her phone once she made it through her door, her thumb hovering over Zen’s number. Usually it was instinctual to call him the second she felt the pull of loneliness, and she knew he would have been worrying about her. But she couldn’t bring herself to press the button.

If things were going to work out with Chul, she needed to give him the best chance. She needed to give him her attention, and needed to confide in him rather than a love that never was.

She knew that you can’t get over the hurdle if you never leave the starting line, and she knew that Chul could help her get over it once she did.

_ If she let him. _


	5. Chapter 5

To be honest, Zen was not having a good day.

Although, he wasn’t having a particularly bad one either, it was just…a day. He aimlessly wandered through the convenience store, idly picking things off the shelves and chucking them into his basket, a gaping emptiness inside him that he couldn’t label as anything other than boredom, and he wasn’t even sure it was that. He had done this routine enough times that he didn’t even need to think about what he was buying anymore, his muscle-memory guiding him to each isle and each section.

On second thought, perhaps he really was just bored. He had the week off work and Gi was at school during the day, and to top it all off, the RFA chatroom had been dry as hell lately. Not even Saeyoung was logging in that often to start drama or blabber on about physics for half an hour. Zen was in desperate need of something,  _ anything _ to do.

“Hyun, sweetie! How are you doing today?” the older lady at the counter beamed.

The creases of her face were enhanced at the sight of Zen approaching, a kind glint in her eye and a gentle spirit to her. Zen couldn’t help but return her warm smile as he lifted his basket onto the counter, “I’m well, thank you, So-yi. And yourself?”

“Same as ever,” she winked, making Zen chuckle, “How’s our little Gi? Still a little terror?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started. You know she got in trouble last week for hiding her teacher’s keys in the fish tank?”

She guffawed, and Zen chortled despite himself, “That’s a smart little girl right there. Sounds just like her daddy.”

“More like her mother, actually…” Zen’s voice trailed off, his smile faltering a little as the light behind his eyes diminished ever so slightly, but enough for the woman to detect.

So-yi had been the owner of the local convenience store since Zen had moved into the area, and from the moment she laid her eyes on the broken man, the broken  _ child _ , she knew she would have to look out for him. When he stumbled in at three in the morning requesting liquor and cigarettes, she would sneak a packet of aspirin and a sandwich into the bag as well. Then when he came in to buy diapers and baby wipes, she would slip some cookies in. Little by little, she started to see some colour in his cheeks and a honesty in his smile as he wished her a good day. She was the only person in his life who knew him when he was Hyun, and stayed to witness him become Zen. She was the closest thing to a mother that he had, and he the closest thing she had to a son. It was perfect timing, for the both of them.

So-yi promptly changed the subject, “Have you seen this?” she said, handing him a flyer from the stack that stood proudly next to her. It appeared to be advertising some jazz band playing at a nearby bar, for one night only. “I’ve seen them before, real good music, I’ll tell ya. Came in last week asking if I’d be willing to sell some tickets here, and you know I’m a sucker for jazz. They’re playing tomorrow night, I think you’d enjoy it.”

Zen considered it for a moment. Gi was going to be with Jaehee tomorrow night - by her request - so he’d just be home alone anyway. And maybe…if he asked…

“Sure, sounds like a fun evening,” he looked down to his feet, his shoelaces suddenly very intriguing to him, “Can I get two, please?”

So-yi’s smirk widened, and she didn’t even bother to hide it, “Planning to take someone special?”

He returned the grin in amusement, “Calm down, So-yi. It’s not like that.”

She handed Zen the tickets along with his bag, shooting him a mischievous look, “Mmhmm, okay then. Well, I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

Zen rolled his eyes playfully, “There’ll be nothing to hear about. She’s just a good friend,” he called over his shoulder, waving her goodbye as he left the store. Her smile grew wider.

_ Oh to be young _ , So-yi thought to herself.  _ Oh to be so naive. _

***

Zen pulled up to the school just as kids in tutus started to filter out the doors, darting towards open arms and stumbling into their parent’s embrace. He smiled fondly, getting out of the car and making his way to find his own little monster.

“Daddy!”

Zen didn’t even have time to turn around when Gi threw herself at him, almost toppling him over, though he managed to save himself with an outstretched arm before he smacked against the concrete. He clutched his chest in feign defeat, crying out dramatically as Gi clambered off, “Oh, the beast has slain me. I will never recover, I am mortally wounded!”

“Dad, stop, you’re not at work right now,’ she tutted, crossing her arms, “Such a drama queen.”

“You’re no fun,” he teased, and she stuck out her tongue in response. “How was ballet?” he asked, grabbing her hand as he started to lead her back to the car, only to be stopped by a tap on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, are you Gi’s guardian?”

Zen’s mouth twitched as he swivelled around, carefully watching Gi in the corner of his eye. She seemed unfazed. Good. “I’m Gi’s  _ father _ , yes. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Oh yes, of course. My mistake,” she said flatly and turned to the young girl, “Gi, why don’t you go and play whilst I have a quick chat with your dad? It’ll only take a moment.”

Gi looked to Zen and he gave her a subtle nod, an indication for her to go. She ran off excitedly, and Zen started to feel a tad defensive about the situation, “So, what did you need to talk to me about?”

They sat down on a nearby bench in the playground, the teacher crossing her legs and her chin stuck out. She eyed him, almost scrutinising as she began to talk, “I wanted to talk to you regarding some… _ concerns _ I have about Gi’s progress and behaviour.”

“Right,” Zen began, attempting to keep his expression neutral, “What are these concerns exactly?”

“Well, whilst we always value enthusiasm and freedom of expression, her energy could be considered as, how should I phrase this… _ uncivilised _ at times. Of course, we want to encourage our students to embrace their passions, and we want her to continue to dance.

He clenched his jaw and counted to ten, trying with all his might to stay calm. It wasn’t working, “Okay. With all due respect, if you feel that her dancing is, as you say, ‘uncivilised’, then isn't it your job to teach her the ‘correct’ way of ballet?”

If she was caught off-guard by Zen’s bluntness, then she did a brilliant job of hiding it, “There’s only so much we can teach her, Mr Ryu. And anyhow, we believe that the problems are rooted further than just her lessons.”

“I want to know exactly what you mean by that.”

“Ballet is about grace and precision, there is a femininity to it, whereas Gi currently demonstrates a rather wild and boisterous approach. Gi is at an age where her behaviour is heavily affected by her environment, and therefore we feel that this behaviour may have something to do with her slightly wilder upbringing and life at home-“

Zen had stood up now, fists clenched and breaths staggered, “This is ridiculous, Gi is  _ six years old _ . If she enjoys to dance, then for Christ’s sake just let her dance her way. This isn’t the Royal Ballet. She is a  _ child _ .”

“A child with incredible potential, Mr Ryu,” she explained evenly, which did nothing to calm Zen’s vexation, “I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t think it mattered. Gi is not like any student I’ve taught before. She has an immense athleticism, and with some discipline, I have faith that she will go far with her ballet. She is capable of great things.”

“I’ve heard enough, you lost me when you brought her home-life into this. You have no right to make comments on her ‘wild’ upbringing. Does she have a typical upbringing? No. Because guess what, it’s pretty damn hard to achieve ‘normal’ when her mother is dead and her biological father is nowhere to be found. Mind your own damn business,” he spat, already walking towards Gi, picking her up and storming to the car.

The drive was eerily quiet, only the sound of Zen’s heavy breaths could be heard as Gi silently watched out the window, blissfully unaware of the event from just before. Zen’s hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were white, and his teeth were gnawing on his bottom lip in an attempt to prevent himself from shouting his anger at the top of his lungs. He was absolutely fuming.

It had gone from ‘just a day’ to a bad day real quick. He needed to calm down.

He needed to call her.

***

The coffee shop was bustling when MC joined Zen, relief instantly washing over him as he caught a glimpse of her through the glass door. They ordered their drinks, and they settled down at a little table in the corner, Zen’s hands still shaking slightly as he placed his cup down.

For the first few minutes, MC remained quiet. She knew by now that when Zen needed to talk, he really needed to think. So she sipped on her coffee whilst she patiently waited for him to gather his thoughts, and prepared herself to give him her undivided attention. He needed to be heard, so she needed to listen.

As soon as he opened his mouth, the words came tumbling out in an exasperated mess. MC was pretty experienced with Zen’s emotions at this point, but today she could tell that something had really hit a nerve with him. He was passionate with his explanation, but MC also clocked a despair in his voice, an ache in his eyes. Zen wasn’t just angry, he was hurt.

“She just…like what does that have to do with anything? Who has a meeting about a student’s home-life when the child seems perfectly happy at school?” he asked defeatedly, his fingers fiddling with the handle of his cup, “Why can’t they just let her do ballet her way if that’s what she wants.”

MC nodded along, reviewing the situation as she took another sip of her drink, “Well, is it what she wants?” Zen eyed her curiously, so she continued, “You said that the problem was that she is incapable of being elegant and graceful when dancing, but is she incapable or is she unwilling?”

Zen looked down into his now empty cup as he considered MC’s words. He had sat in on many of Gi’s classes, and whilst she always seemed satisfied after class ended, she seemed…frustrated during it. Zen always thought it was because she couldn’t get the moves right, but now he wondered if there was something else at play, “I guess she does always appear discouraged during her lessons, like she’s being held back. But she adores dance, it’s all she talks about. She always says that she likes to move with the music, but ballet just seems too restricting. She’s tried other kinds of dance but she likes how ‘pretty’ ballet is…”

“Has she ever considered figure skating?”

Zen quirked an eyebrow. MC chuckled, “Figure skating. She’ll get to use her power and athleticism so she won’t feel held back, but then she can still incorporate the elegance and ‘prettiness’ of ballet. There’s an ice rink that just opened nearby, you should let her give it a go.”

“I don’t know…I don’t know if it’s best to just stop it all together.” MC gave him a glare. “I just don’t want her to end up like her teacher, MC. She’s so..odd!”

MC placed down her cup and leaned forward on the table, waiting for Zen to focus on her, “Zen, I think it was odd that she brought that up as well, but don’t you think she did it because she was desperate? Because she knew that Gi was special? Can you not at least let her try it? You never know, she might surprise you.”

Zen sighed, recognising that MC was right. She very well might be a natural, and even if she wasn’t, at least she tried. “Okay, I’ll bring it up with her. Thank you, MC.”

MC merely smiled and dipped her head, clearly not understanding how loaded that ‘thank you’ was.

They continued to chat casually for a while, when Zen quickly had a realisation, “Oh! I meant to ask you, are you free tomorrow night?”

MC’s face dropped a little, a response that was small enough to go unnoticed by anyone, but not small enough to go unnoticed by Zen, “I’m sorry, I have plans with Chul tomorrow night.”

Of course, how could he forget? Obviously he couldn’t just assume that she would be available any night of the week anymore. She was in a relationship. She was busy.

The dull ache he felt in his chest surprised him, a disappointment that he couldn’t have anticipated. This was the first time that she had other plans, that she didn’t have time for him. Had he taken her company for granted? Had he taken  _ her _ for granted? Was this, after all they had, the beginning of the end?

But, the end of what, exactly?

“Ah, no worries,” Zen replied easily, his acting skills being put to good use, “It was nothing, just wanted to hang out. How are things going with Chul anyway?”

“Good,” she responded, a smile playing on her lips and her eyes regaining a bit of their usual glimmer, “Really good.”

“I’m glad,” he said and felt a pang of guilt, because Zen didn’t like to lie, and he certainly didn’t like to lie to MC. But he was going to have to get used to it.

The following evening Zen went back to the convenience store, his best shirt on and the two tickets in hand. So-yi watched him curiously, a melancholic expression on her face. Zen walked up to the counter, “Would you like to come with me?”

She smiled sympathetically at him as she mentally connected the dots, “Of course, sweetie. I get off my shift in five minutes. I’ll meet you outside.”

And so they strolled to the bar together, So-yi holding onto Zen’s arm as they laughed and sang through the street. Not many men his age wanted to spend their Friday night with a little old lady like her, but Zen wasn’t most men, which made So-yi’s heart ache a little more for him. He deserved the world.

She didn’t ask about the girl, because she knew that, even if he hadn’t realised it yet, she  _ was _ someone special, and she had said no.

_ She’ll come around _ , So-yi thought.

_ They always do in the end. _

***

“Saeran, come look at this.”

Saeran strolled over to the couch, milkshake in one hand and a soda in the other. Chucking the can to Saeyoung he sat next to him to get a good view of the laptop that was balanced on his twin’s knees, examining the screen as his eyebrows furrowed, “What is this?”

“I-uh… _ may _ have done a background check on Chul.”

Saeran sighed, giving his brother a pointed look, “You know MC told you not to. She’s gonna kill you.”

“I know. I know I wasn’t meant to but I just wanted to be sure and-“

“Wait, is this a criminal record?”

Saeran studied the document, taking in every detail, and his heart dropped when a certain set of words caught his eye.

_ REASON FOR ARREST: Assault _

“It says in his notes that he got into a fight at a bar,” Saeyoung added gently, cautious of Saeran’s reaction, “In his statement he said that it was self-defence-“

“They’re together right now, correct?” Saeran said smoothly.

“Um, yeah. MC said they were going ice-skating, but why do you-“

“I’m going out. I’ll be back in an hour.”

“Saeran, you can’t just go and interrogate or beat up the guy. We don’t even know what happened.”

“I’m not going to, I just need to see for myself that he’s okay for MC.”

Saeran didn’t wait for Saeyoung’s reply, instead he just put his hood over his head and marched out the door, missing the look of pure defeat on his brother’s face.

It took him less than half the time it usually took to reach his destination, but as soon as Saeran walked through the automatic doors of the ice-rink, he started his search.

They weren’t in the lobby, and they weren’t in the cafe, so they must still be on the ice. He managed to sneak his way onto the rink without going to the front desk, because of course he could. Saeran had no idea how much longer MC and Chul were going to be there, and he definitely didn’t want them to catch him in the foyer. So, sneaking in it was.

Which, though he would never admit, he found more fun anyway.

After only a few seconds of glancing over the other skaters, his eyes landed on the couple. He was moments away from marching over to them to have a  _ little chat _ with Chul, but was halted by one thing.

MC’s face.

Saeran had never seen her face so bright, so glowing. Not even when she bought her new apartment, not even on her birthday. Not even when she was with Zen.

Her smile met her eyes, free of restraint and absolutely beaming. And Chul looked the same way, but he was completely enraptured by her, as if he was hanging on to her every word like she was a lifeline to him. They looked happy. They looked in love.

And nobody, especially not Saeran, would ever make that look on MC’s face disappear when it was as rare as rubies. Who was he to judge a man based on his past, anyway? Saeran didn’t know Chul’s story, nor did he know the Chul in front of him particularly well, but he would give him a chance, just like MC had given Saeran a chance.

He’d tell Saeyoung not to worry, but to keep a watchful eye. Because yes, Chul gave MC a spark that had nearly died out, but when there is a spark sometimes it’s hard to see the smoke; and when there’s smoke, there’s fire.


	6. Chapter 6

It was only two years later when MC and Chul got engaged.

It was a beautiful proposal, they said. Filled with tears of joy, promises of devotion, a dazzling ring to solidify their commitment.

Everyone was expecting it, Zen was expecting it. He knew after the first six months that it would end up this way.

But it still hit him like an elbow to the gut.

Zen had had a lot of time to think over those two years. Gi had been discovered by a well-respected skating coach, and was spending most of her free time at the rink, leaving Zen at home with only his thoughts for company. He learnt a few things about himself.

Most prominently, he discovered that he was not, in fact, as naive as he convinced himself he was. It was, quite frankly, inappropriate how long he had revelled in his feelings but refused to even acknowledge their roots. It would become complicated, he told himself, if he dug a little deeper and fought a little harder. But now, things were more complicated than they ever have been, and then they ever _would_ have been.

However, Zen didn’t remember exactly when he came to this realisation. Maybe it was after she surprised Gi during training when she knew she was having a hard week, or the hug she gave him on opening night, or when she called him and sobbed down the phone as she told him the ‘good news’…

Though, it didn’t matter when it happened, to be honest. All that mattered now was that he was sat alone at the bar, the sharp hiss of whiskey on his tongue as others sipped champagne behind him, cheering and congratulating the newly-engaged couple. He wanted, with every fibre of his being, to celebrate with them and to look her in the eye and say ‘I wish you the best, and I know he’ll make you happy’, but this was the most challenging role he had ever had to play, and he was too exhausted to rise to it. Zen didn’t want to play a side character in her life, he wanted to be her co-star, but he had missed the audition.

He took one more swig and was about to leave the bar when he heard a low, smooth voice from behind him.

“Leaving already?”

Zen had to bite his tongue to prevent him from shouting all kinds of profanities in the heir’s face. He swivelled in his chair to face the man who had just taken the seat next to him and was already ordering two more whiskeys. Zen wasn’t in the mood to argue, “Jumin, seriously, not right now. Lecture me tomorrow if you need to, whatever. But right now, leave me alone.”

“I’m not going to lecture you,” Jumin said easily, “I want to talk.”

“Oh yeah? What about.”

“About how your best friend is celebrating one of the best moments of her life, and you’re over here sulking.”

Zen was taken aback, but tried his best not to show it, “You don’t get it.”

“Yes, actually, I do.”

The older man turned in his chair slightly so he was fully facing Zen, but looking just behind him. Zen peered over his shoulder curiously, only to find MC, eyes sparkling and skin glowing as she chatted away to the rest of the group. He felt a pang of guilt, “What do you mean _you do_?”

Jumin sipped his whiskey and cleared his throat, “I’m not also half in love with her, if that’s what you’re worried about. But she is special to me, to all of us. The engagement also made us feel a sense of loss-”

“Grief, more like.”

“How can you be grieving when she’s never looked more alive?”

When Zen stayed quiet, Jumin continued, “I said I wouldn’t lecture you, and I won’t, but I want to offer my advice and help. No, let me finish. You are not the same man that joined the RFA all those years ago. You have a child, a career, and a whole lot of unresolved emotions and grief from family-”

“Are _you_ really talking to _me_ about unresolved emotions?!” Zen snapped.

“Not that that’s important, but you’re not the only one who’s been guided by MC,” Jumin said steadily, “But anyway, what I am saying is that I don’t blame you for not realising your feelings towards MC sooner, for not acknowledging that you are in lo-“

“Stop.”

Jumin sighed, “I don’t care what you have against me, but you are in the RFA and therefore you are a part of this family. I care about my family,” he placed his drink on the bar, “therefore I also care about MC. I don’t want you to make any rash decisions and confuse her.”

“So that’s what you wanted to talk to me about? I’m not gonna tell her how I feel, if that’s why you’re so concerned. Funnily enough, I also care about her. I’m not gonna do anything to jeopardise her happiness. You should know that.”

“I do know, and that’s not the only thing I wanted to tell you,” he paused, looking Zen directly in the eye, “V and I have been talking, and we’re worried about you. Both of us. You have a lot on your plate, Zen, and I want to help in whatever way I can. Whether Gi needs help funding her coaching, or you find yourself needing someone to confide in, you can call me and I’ll be there, no questions asked.”

Zen was silent for a moment, almost too stunned to form words, “Dude, where the hell did that come from?”

Jumin chuckled, “I have no idea. Maybe the atmosphere of the evening has made me sentimental. Or perhaps Yoosung’s lack of sobriety has kicked in some paternal instincts I didn’t know I had.”

Both the men laughed and swigged their drinks, before settling into a companionable silence. Zen looked over his shoulder once more, to find MC and Chul on the dance floor, holding each other close, joy evident and smiles in abundance.

Would she have chosen him? If he had acted sooner, stopped being an idiot sooner, would he have been the man to dance with her, rather than the man sat watching alone at the bar? The thought ate away at him, and it became too much, “I appreciate it, Jumin, and I know I’m being selfish but…but I still don’t think I can do this right now.”

Jumin nodded and set down his now empty glass, “I understand. I’ll tell MC you had an emergency call and Gi needed you home.”

“Thank you,” he paused, “I mean it.”

“You’re welcome. Again, if you need me, call. If I for some reason don’t pick up, call V. We’ll help you, no matter what.”

Zen nodded in recognition and made his way towards the exit. He’d need to move past the dance floor through a group of people, but the RFA group seemed fairly occupied with their own conversations, so Zen should be able to just slip-

“Hey! There you are!”

Zen was swivelled around by his shoulder and met with a pair of bright eyes, sparkling from the buzz but drooping slightly from the alcohol. She was still the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on.

“Where are you going? Are you feeling okay?”

And she had the most kind heart he had ever encountered. He wanted to scream. “I’m okay, MC, thank you. I just got a call from the babysitter, she said Gi needs me so I gotta run.”

“Oh, okay. Tell Gi I said hello, and I hope she’s alright…”

“I will, thank you. And…” he stared at her. He couldn’t do anything but look straight into her eyes as they watched him expectantly. Her hair fell so smoothly behind her bare shoulders, curling softly at the ends. She was ethereal, practically glowing from her joy. Her soul was always on display, yet she never wore her heart on her sleeve. She held everything that Zen had ever wanted and hid away everything he craved to discover, but he was too damn slow.

She cocked an eyebrow, curiosity and concern starting to flood her features, “Zen?”

Maybe he could ask for one dance, one last moment with just the two them, to have her in his arms one last time, like old times. Perhaps then she would see how he truly felt towards her, and perhaps she would decide that she wants him too. He would hold her, cherishing every breath she took and showing her the love she deserved. He could do that, it didn’t need to be Chul. He could be the one she wanted. He could be the one she chooses. Zen wasn’t ready to let go, and he might not have to.

But he looked back at her now, at the woman who already gave him the world. The one who stayed by him, who supported him, who wiped his tears and who treated Gi as if she were her own, giving her memories that she’ll cherish for the rest of her life. MC, the woman who appeared out of thin air and made him feel worth something more than he believed.

He was too young, too stupid, to see what was right in front of him before. And now, he was the one who went unseen. Where he saw colour, she now saw grey, and where he felt magic, she now felt nothing at all.

He wanted one last moment with her, but she was in love with someone else, and love looked too good on her.

_I’m not gonna do anything to jeopardise her happiness._

He looked beyond MC and saw Chul, who was laughing along with Saeyoung and Yoosung, fitting in so well with the group that Zen spent the night avoiding. He also caught Jumin and V’s watchful eyes on him. He made his choice.

He looked her in the eye once again, “Congratulations, MC. I am so happy for you, truly. If anyone deserves this, it’s you. You look absolutely gorgeous tonight, Chul is a very lucky man. I wish you the best, and I know he’ll make you happy,” he leant down, placing a soft, chaste kiss on her cheeks, rosy from the champagne, now even rosier, “Goodbye, MC.”

Zen walked out the door, not giving himself the option of looking back. He wanted to miss seeing her bound back to her fiance, and miss seeing his hands placed on her waist and her lips on his. He wanted to miss seeing the one that got away being with the one who got her.

However, in his attempt to protect himself, he missed one very crucial detail, one specific pair of eyes, and the anger burning within them, the thoughts being formed behind them.

_I see. Well, that just won’t do._

***

Gi was already in bed by the time Zen returned home. He excused the babysitter, paying her the promised amount despite his early return, and dragged himself to the couch. He sat down with a defeated sigh, staring up at the ceiling as his mind filled with noise. Nothing could be done. It wasn’t meant to be, and that was that. Tomorrow would be better. He prayed tomorrow would be better.

Just as his eyelids fell shut, he felt a dip in the couch next to him. Gi silently climbed onto his lap and curled up into his chest, and Zen instinctively wrapped his arms tightly around her small form, “Hey you, you should be in bed,” he whispered.

“Why are you sad?”

He brushed the wispy hairs away from her face, “What makes you think I’m sad?”

“You have your sad smell.”

Zen chuckled, his amusement genuine for the first time that evening, “Are you saying I smell bad? How rude. You’re the smelly one here.” When she didn’t smile, Zen felt his heart sink, “What do you mean by my ‘sad smell’?”

Gi pointed to his mouth, her eyebrows furrowed, “Your breath. When you go out at night and come back with that smell, it’s because you’re sad,” she paused, “I don’t like that smell.”

The whiskey. She was smelling the whiskey on his breath. Zen wanted to cry. In fact, he would have if he hadn’t blinked away the tears that threatened to surface, “I’m sorry, sweetie, I’m okay. I’m not sad.”

Gi didn’t look convinced, “Are you sure?”

“I have you, don’t I? What do I have to be sad about?”

Zen didn’t ever want to lie to Gi, but he gave himself the excuse that he was only _half_ lying. Because yes, he was actually sad, but he knew he wouldn’t be forever. Gi was the single best thing in his life, and the only thing he needed. He was sad now, but tomorrow would be better. Any tomorrow with Gi in it was a tomorrow worth waiting for. For her, he needed to do better. He needed to make sure that ‘sad smell’ or anything of the like would never exist again.

When she fell heavy in his embrace, Zen carefully carried her up to her room. Placing her gently onto the mattress and bringing the blanket up to her chin, he kissed the top of her head and flicked off the light, waiting in the doorway for an extra moment.

This was all he needed. It was him and her now, father and daughter. His heart was full as long as she was there. As long as she stayed by his side.

As long as she didn’t stray from him.

As long as she didn’t become like him.

But no matter how much he denied it, there was a piece of her that grew stronger everyday. A piece of her that was, in fact, a piece of him. It was evident by the letters from teachers that sat on the kitchen table, the text messages he received from her coach when she didn’t turn up to practise, even when he had dropped her off; by the phone call from the police station when they caught her stealing an ice cream from the shop down the street, as a group of kids quietly ate theirs in the alley next to it.

As long as she didn’t become like him.

Though she was her father’s daughter, after all.


End file.
